Uncategorized – Page 9 – Bipolar Wonderland

Hesitation

I’m at a spot in my project where I’m hesitant to keep going. I have to recount a very traumatic event in my past. When I think back on this event it’s only ever been briefly, so it never really bothered me. I had lived through it and let it go a long time ago.Continue reading “Hesitation”

Marriage

I got married on 8.8.18. My husband and I had a bit of a whirlwind romance. We met at a time in both our lives where we were vulnerable. We were both at a crossroads in our lives. I was getting my life back from an abusive marriage and he was getting his life backContinue reading “Marriage”

Resentment

This going to sound terrible, but I resent my friends and peers that are successful. I know that sounds shitty. I know. But when I’m constantly failing at everything I try it’s hard for me to be like, “Yay for you!” Instead I feel bitter and envious. I don’t mean to be, I just am.Continue reading “Resentment”

Birthdays and Sobriety

My son turns 10 this month. That’s fuckin wild. I can’t believe he’ll be 10. I won’t be there with him to celebrate because he’s 900 fucking miles away in Colorado. Instead what we do is celebrate his birthday in the summer when he’s here. Last year we surprised him by taking him the bigContinue reading “Birthdays and Sobriety”

Thoughts

Burn everything you love, then burn the ashes. Fall Out Boy My project that I’m working on requires me to re-live several big moments in my life. At times I’ve wondered if I should have talked to my therapist and psychiatrist first. There’s mild PTSD flashbacks with this project. I stay grounded though and rememberContinue reading “Thoughts”

Stuck

My life has changed exceptionally over the last 3 years. I went from an emotionally abusive marriage to a psychotic woman to marrying a man I didn’t know could exist. I’ve moved 4 times and changed jobs 5 times. My son went from living primarily with me to living primarily with his dad in Colorado.Continue reading “Stuck”

Coffee and Cannabis

Coffee and cannabis is such a peaceful experience. I swear, at least for me, it makes the soul more beautiful. Shit’s not as fucked as I think. I was sitting outside enjoying the fresh air and watched the ethereal looking tree branches covered in ice melt off. It would rain down all these lengthy piecesContinue reading “Coffee and Cannabis”

Spiral

I spiral down, deep down where there is no sun. My hands are tied and I’m just spun into a dark silk. I cloak everything in tears that overflow my exhausted soul. Devoid of color I suffer from self servitude. I can’t outrun what I’ve become, it’s all bleak.

5 1/2 Months

August 13th. I’ve been having a nervous breakdown since August 13th. That’s 5 1/2 months. I’ve been suicidal, spent a few days in a crisis center, joined a DBT group, added more therapy appointments, added new meds, got a dream job and then lost the job. Depression hasn’t let up during this time. Just yesterdayContinue reading “5 1/2 Months”

Exceptional

That’s me. I’m lucky enough that one of my best friends is a professional photographer and I get to help her with projects. She is an amazing individual and she inspires me in many ways. She built her own business from the ground and from scratch. She’s inspired many copycats in town. She owns aContinue reading “Exceptional”