Uncategorized – Page 10 – Bipolar Wonderland

Raleigh

I don’t know my biological father. Don’t confuse that with I don’t know who he is. I know very well who he is. His name is Raleigh Parker and he lives in Virginia. He owns a graphic design company and attends a Baptist mega church. He’s married to a religious zealot who seems to wearContinue reading “Raleigh”

It’s Whatever

Depression gives the illusion that you’re being lazy. I suppose to an outsider this looks to be the case. The reality is that it isn’t true. Depression is debilitating, so yeah, regular daily activities aren’t being accomplished. There’s no energy to do shit. Existing is sucking the energy dry. It certainly can vary day toContinue reading “It’s Whatever”

Parents

I love my parents. Honestly. They are most selfless and generous people. They are sincerely best friends. I know they will grow old together and live out the rest of their days with each other by their side. It took my mom a few times to find her true love. Now that she has, IContinue reading “Parents”

Mope

When I look back on my past blog posts I’ve written so far I see that I’m a miserable creature. My husband said to me last night while I was doling out all of my meds something about waiting for the day that one of the meds actually helps. I told him if he thinksContinue reading “Mope”

Lost

I get lost in thoughts of what I thought it would be my life is messy. It’s always messy and I get tired of it but I always try. I move through the dark and I seem to always miss the mark. The last year was trying there was betrayal, loss, and deep thoughts ofContinue reading “Lost”

Deceptive

I danced with them all with no regard to where they would fall. Tossing leftovers aside I played games like a devious child outside. Play them before they play you what a motto to live by but it’s what got me through. Laughing at another’s pain to build myself up it’s what I did onContinue reading “Deceptive”

Lies

I faked an eating disorder in 8th grade. I kept up this charade for like, 6 months. My friends all believed me; they were concerned and would try to talk me out of it. I think this was the first glimpse of my Borderline Personality Disorder. You see, I did this because I felt likeContinue reading “Lies”

Queer

Queer; it simply means “different”. It is how I identify my sexuality. More specifically I am pansexual. Not everyone is familiar with this term. Due to my past relationships some people think I’m bisexual. This is incorrect. Pansexual means you are attracted to a person, regardless of their gender. I have loved a trans man,Continue reading “Queer”

Distorted

I resent myself; all of the dramarama that infests my mind. I sit in it and wonder why I spoon feed myself lies. Not perfect enough to feel beautiful, only ugly and rough. Jagged edges prick my soul and make me sick. I resent myself for my lack of my way out of distorted selfContinue reading “Distorted”

Body Image

I weigh 240lbs. I’ve gained 20lbs since August. Every time I go to my psych appointments they weigh me and every time I’m weighed I’ve gained another 2-3lbs. I don’t know exactly why. I know my meds are playing a part in this. The upside, to me, is that I don’t look like I weighContinue reading “Body Image”