Grace

I’ve learned in my life that in order to get through tough times one must practice the art of having grace. There is a lot of forgiveness and understanding that comes with this skill. In times of hurt and betrayal it is the only way to make it through. I’ve had to practice this numerous times. It’s not easy and sometimes it’s a bit maddening.

When I’ve been hurt by someone I love, or betrayed, I’ve learned that the only way out of the broken heartness is to have a lot of grace; for the situation and for the person. If I don’t allow grace for the person and the situation I will linger in the hurt and I will build up intense resentment. That’s no way to live.

With both grace and forgiveness there needs to be room for understanding. Understanding why the person would act in such a way when they are suppose to love you as you love them. This is the case in friendships and romantic relationships. If the relationship is something you wish to keep, then you must find a way to get past the hurt and/or betrayal. You have to find a way to let it go. It’s not always an immediate thing, sometimes it takes time. Weeks or months or even years.

Forgiveness for me takes time. I am aware that forgiveness must be to bring peace to yourself more than it is for the other person. Holding onto anger only hurts ourselves. But, damn… it is nearly impossible in some situations. I may be angry and hurt enough that I can’t find it in me to forgive quickly. That’s tricky because in the time I’m holding onto the anger I’m allowing resentment to build. Resentment is messy because it creates uneasy feelings that just fester.

Grace is given when instead of immediately retalitating with anger and trying to hurt the person back, you step back from what’s happened and allow the hurtful person to just be. You choose to move forward even though you may be feeling excruciating pain on the inside. Ruminating is common with having given grace, but not forgiveness. I find it’s a fine line between forgiving because it’s needed for yourself and forgiving because the other person has earned it. It’s not about them earning it, it’s about allowing yourself to receive peace from the situation that burned you.

I have given a lot of grace to people I love. In return, I am sure I have been given grace by these same people when I’m being intense with my moods and actions. Grace isn’t something you announce, it something you silently give without expectations. I think grace comes from a place of deep love because you understand that people are products of their own lives and experiences. There is a reason for everything. Also empathy places a role in giving grace. I deeply empathize with everyone I love and people I barely know. It’s just the way I’m wired. Not everyone feels empathy and I understand that. In those situations there is also grace because I understand that they don’t have the ability to step back and realize how their behavior is affecting me or people around them.

Not everyone deserves grace. I have been hurt by people I gave no grace to and instead just walked away with no second thoughts and no regrets. I believe grace is given to someone who deserves it. That may be wrong to some people, but it is what I feel and believe.